Part II: Your Partner & You Are On the Same Team
Part II: Two Against the Problem
Childcare Arrangements
Assumptions and expectations about childcare are great conversations to have in pregnancy and revisit in postpartum.
Decide on childcare arrangements, especially if both of you plan to have paid employment outside of the home. Will one of you stay at home with your baby or will you both work and rely on daycare or a nanny? How will you decide together which arrangement would be the best fit for your family and your infant? Is there room to re-visit the initial decisions at a later date?
Parenting Styles
Talk about your parenting styles and any potential differences that might exist. How will you discipline your child, and how do you plan to handle conflicts when they arise? Talk to each other about what you remember about your youngest memories and who cared for you. Would you like something similar for your child? Why or why not?
Support Each Other
Parenthood can be challenging, so it's important to support each other emotionally. Make it clear that you're on the same team and that you'll tackle challenges together. Instead of partners pushing against each other, look at the problem as something both partners are willing to explore in order to solve it together.
Flexibility
Understand that plans may need to change as you both adapt to parenthood. Flexibility is key to handling unexpected situations. What you decided on in theory before baby arrived might not be working as well in practice as you had assumed it would and may require re-examining and re-negotiating together. Knowing that parenthood is a growing process can be very helpful for both partners.
Check-In Regularly
Parenting is an ongoing journey. Schedule regular check-in conversations to see how things are going, what adjustments might be needed, and to express any concerns. Making time for check-ins can be very difficult when parenting young children, so consider any opportunities that allow for the least amount of distractions and when your schedule permits. The timing that worked pre-baby might not be the best post-baby and you could consider scheduling a check in during the earliest morning naps as opposed to after night time bedtime.
Respect Each Other's Needs
Name calling and blame can be very toxic to your partnership.
Keep in mind that both of you will experience your own needs and emotions during this transition. Practice empathy and respect each other's feelings. Avoid resorting to name-calling, criticism, contempt, or stonewalling, which can harm your relationship (see this blog if you need more clarification on what that looks like). Remind yourselves that you're both part of the same team, collaborating to resolve issues, not competing against each other. Keeping this perspective in mind will help you focus on finding solutions that benefit the entire family.
Seek Professional Help if Necessary
If you're finding it difficult to agree on important issues or if communication becomes strained, don't hesitate to seek the help of a counselor or therapist who specializes in working with postpartum couples or family therapy from a maternal mental health lens.
Establishing effective communication with your partner is crucial for building a solid foundation as you step into parenthood. Aligning your thoughts and supporting one another will enhance the transition, making it more seamless and enabling both of you to navigate the highs and lows of raising a child together.
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