Part I:Your Partner & You Are On the Same Team
Part I: Two Partners Working Together to Solve The Problem
Open and honest communication is essential when you're preparing to become parents as well as once baby has arrived . There’s a lot to consider and one of the hardest parts of going from two adults to two parents is how to talk about and divide the tasks that might not have been so important to explore before your baby arrived. Here's a more detailed breakdown of how to effectively communicate with your partner about expectations, roles, and responsibilities:
Schedule a Conversation
BabytSpace Coachella Valley supports new families in their transition to parenthood.
Schedule a quiet, comfortable time to sit down and have a focused conversation. Make sure you're both relaxed and free from distractions. Agree to speak for a time limited period like 20-30 minutes and set a timer. When the timer goes off, no matter where you are in the conversation, agree to take a 10 minute break, apart from each other, and physically separate. After ten minutes, you can decide together if you’d like to schedule another time to revisit the topic or set another 20-30 minute timer to return to your discussion before another break. If both partners are calm and receptive, you can continue exploring what solutions might be possible to explore.
Share Your Expectations
Each of you should discuss your expectations about parenthood. What are your hopes and fears? What kind of parents do you want to be? What are some parts of your childhood do you not want your child to experience? Who will take on which responsibilities in the home when the baby arrives? What is the plan for when both parents want to make separate plans on the same day/time? This is a great way to explore and understand each other's perspectives.
Define Roles and Responsibilities
Discuss your vision for your roles as parents. Outline who will take on specific tasks and responsibilities, encompassing aspects like feeding, diaper changes, nighttime and early morning baby care, household chores, and career-related decisions. How will you know when things are working and when they aren’t? How will you approach your partner when you notice a role or responsibility is not being carried out?
Be Realistic
While discussing roles, be realistic about what each of you can realistically handle. Consider factors like work commitments, family support, and individual strengths and weaknesses. What two adults without a baby could commit to is often very different from what two new parents have the capacity to manage. No one person can do all the baby care and all the household chores. Talking about these ideas before baby arrives and re-exploring once baby arrives can help both partners to voice what they have capacity to accomplish, and it might be very different than what the original expectations were.
Financial Planning
Engage in a conversation about your financial situation and devise a plan for handling the expenses associated with the baby. This plan should encompass budgeting for essentials such as diapers, formula or baby food, medical bills, and childcare costs. Consider the costs of these items as being contributed to by both parents, whether as a 50-50 split or a percentage allotment. This baby is the financial responsibility of both parents.
In Summary
Effective communication with your partner is key to building a strong foundation for your journey into parenthood. Being on the same page and supporting each other will make the transition smoother and help you both navigate the joys and challenges of raising a child together. Keep an eye out for Part II of this blog series later this week. BabySpace Coachella Valley groups can help new moms reflect on their needs in new motherhood and explore how to effectively communicate with their partners.
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